One of the most painful emotions we can feel, is the hurt of rejection. When we love someone, who doesn’t love us back, it stings.
But I’m here to blow the notion of unrequited love, out of your life….today.
And I’m going to do that, by suggesting that it doesn’t actually exist!
Weird notion, right?
Well let me explain.
When we’re deeply attracted to someone who is not reciprocating, or showing enough attention… that is nothing to do with ‘love’. If we find ourselves saying, ‘Oh I can’t bear it, I love him so much, but he doesn’t want me’, then we’ve been dragged into a drama we don’t belong in.
Love is a mainly positive feeling. It feels good to love someone. It’s normal to share support, equal attraction, similar values and mutual admiration; these are the ingredients of a love match. It doesn’t mean there won’t be conflict or disagreements; when we rub each other up the wrong way, it helps us address our inner wounding and grow stronger. But if the basic ingredients of respect, attraction and goodwill are missing, then it’s a self-imposed torture chamber.
It’s a tragic waste of time.
If it’s not unrequited love…what is it?
Well, it might make more sense to change the word ‘love’ to ‘infatuation’, or ‘worship’. Instead of obsessing over someone who is uninterested, we can put our attention where we’ll get the love results we’re seeking.
It’s time to EDIT OUT THE FLAKES.
If a man is giving us a little bit of his time, that can feel even worse. We end up sitting around waiting for him to show up, and when he drops a delicious love snack, we relish it.
And why do we do that?
Why do we get hooked on the one person that has so little to offer?
Well, it can be for many reasons. Maybe we have attachment issues or low self-worth, or we’ve lost hope.
Whatever the reason, we can turn it all around.
What to do about unrequited ‘love’
The first way to break out of the negative cycle of so-called ‘unrequited love’ is to recognise that the guy we’re worshipping is not ‘the one’, at least not for now. If he’s not worshipping us in return, that means we’re idolising him; we don’t love him. Love is created between two people, and it’s built on a bedrock of trust and respect.
We can simply ask, ‘Where am I on his list of priorities?’. At the top? In the middle? At the bottom? Er…I’m not even on his list?
If we realise he’s our ‘exclusive breadcrumber’, then we get back out into the dating world and start meeting others. If we’re not ready to let him go, we can tell him this…
‘I really like you, but I’m only interested in exclusively dating someone whose heart is open to a commitment. We can still see each other, but I’ll also be seeing other people’.
You don’t have to use those exact words; adapt them to your own situation. But if you suspect he’s not into you as much as you’re into him, then consider taking a stand. If you’re not in an exclusive relationship, then you’ve got every right to keep dating others.
If he’s your Ex and he’s left you devastated, then you might want to check out the program ‘The Ex Files’, which shows you how to have the best chance of rekindling the relationship, if it’s the right thing to do (and he’s worth it). You can click through to that below…
If you want to find meaningful love, then try getting clear on what being ‘in love’ looks like for you. Then keep referring to it as you think about the person you’re obsessing over. It’ll keep you driven by your relationship requirements, instead of a guy you happen to like.
That way, you’ll stay out of unrequited love and sail into the future with someone who’s ready to meet your real needs.
To your love and power.
Linda Bebbington is a Relationship Coach & Psychotherapist, helping you to find love, save your relationship and overcome heartbreak. She’s the author of ‘The Ex Files’ and the creator of ‘Texting Secrets For Women’ and ‘The Boyfriend Blueprint’. You can contact her below for 1-1 coaching or to book a free consultation.