Have you ever been in a situation where a hot guy is obsessed with texting but just won’t ask you out?
You’ve been doing your best flirting via chat or phone messages and still…Mr Slow won’t pop the dating question. It can be frustrating when you feel like there’s chemistry, yet things are moving slower than a sloth through molasses. Texting ping-pong seems to be his favourite mode of communicating and you’re beginning to wonder what’s up. You’re keen to meet, but you’re trying to figure out if he’s super shy, lazy, a player or he’s just not that into you.
And it’s messing with your head.
If you’re thinking of a way to move him to action…
You might be tempted to make the first move, but we all know that can backfire. If a guy won’t make a date or move off the texting platform, the woman says…
‘Would you like to meet for drinks?’.
Or if he already has her number:
‘How come you haven’t called me?’…
…It can result in him offering weird excuses (his phone is broken, he’s lost his voice, he has a big work project). Whatever it is, it feels icky when we make a direct offer, and it’s rejected.
Now, women have every right to move a relationship forward and not waste their time, but if they want the guy to take the initial dating lead, there are better ways to draw him to his own conclusions.
I’m going to share a couple of different ways you can prompt a guy to offer a date without you having to do all the work.
he Subtle Way To Move Things Along
Instead of going straight in with an offer, there are a couple of ways of coaxing Mr Slow using your feminine energy, and it’s so low-risk, you can do it without breaking a sweat!
And they sound something like this…
You know…it always feels nice to connect with you. I find texting kinda boring though… I like hearing someone’s voice…what about you?
The above text should alert him to the fact that we’re not that into texting chit-chat. This could prompt him to get on the phone or offer to meet. If he doesn’t take the bait (jeez, how laid back is he?), then we can leave it a while and try again.
If we want to get more obvious, we can go in with the following…
You know…as much as I love texting with you…it hurts my thumbs. What does a woman have to do to get a phone call ?
You know…as much as I love texting with you, I was wondering…what does a woman have to do to get asked out ?
A playful tone is conveyed with the emoji.
You’re also showing him you like him. You’re telling him it feels nice to connect, and you enjoy the interaction. But you’re also introducing doubt; you’re letting him know you’re not into low investment communication. No guy wants to be thought of as boring, so it’s going to make him FEEL something about your comment; hopefully, he’ll snap out of his trance and start taking action.
Now, if a guy doesn’t take you up on that offer, he’s either suffering from a cold heart, or he’s living on another planet. At least you’ll know, and you can focus your attention elsewhere.
Guys sometimes prefer to do the asking…
Ok, not always, but masculine energies do like to feel they’ve taken the initiative. Research shows they prefer to do the asking when they feel safe to do so. But opening up the space to give him the green light helps both parties make a date without all the second-guessing.
If he says ‘Oh, I don’t have time for dates’, or makes any excuse, you simply say, ‘Ah…how dull’. That lets you off the hook, and it also teases him a little for his boring response! Anyway, at least you’ve shown him you like him without feeling cringy, and if he doesn’t like you enough (right now) to offer a date, you can move on and work your magic with someone else.
You can be sure of one thing; you’ll be on his mind going forward. Guys who turn women down sometimes do so because they get flustered and don’t know how to react, but usually, he’ll appreciate your subtle move.
Now, if he does bite the bullet…
…and texts something like, ‘Well I’ll take you out if you want’, then you’ll have to lean right back at this point and say something like, ‘Sounds lovely, what do you have in mind’.
When you say that, you’re putting the ball back in his court, and he can come back with a plan. If we’ve provided the opportunity for him to ask for the date, then we’ve done enough work, and now it’s his turn. If he says, ‘Well tell me where you want to go, and we’ll arrange something’, you say, ‘Well, I feel it’s more interesting when the guy plans the date’. We don’t want to feel forced into more action-oriented energy, although it’s fine to let him know if we have a particular preference. For example, if we want something informal, we can say, ‘A quick coffee downtown would be lovely, I’m free on Sunday afternoon, or Friday evening for an hour’. Sometimes a quick first meeting is more appropriate, so say what you want. If, on the other hand, you want to see what he comes up with for a more formal date, then leave the plan to him. It’s your choice.
Now we slow everything down…
We’re patient and don’t get tempted to ask if he’s thought of any date ideas. He needs to text with an offer or say something like, ‘Hey, you owe me a date’.
We’re not playing games; we’re conveying our standards. We’ve given a big chunk of energy by making the original move, and he doesn’t get anything else until he starts showing effort. That’s only fair.
If he doesn’t step up, we simply carry on making dates with others.
Now go and do it…you little minx!
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Hope you enjoyed the post.
I’m Linda Bebbington, Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach helping you grow in confidence, date smart and love fiercely.
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