I get a lot of questions from women asking if it’s okay to ask a man out. I know the general guidance is to allow the man to lead the dating game, and for a number of reasons…I agree.
However, I think there are times when it’s okay to offer a man a date under the right circumstances.
Those circumstances are that he’s EARNED the offer of a date from you.
He’s taken you out 3 or 4 times on planned dates and shown a high energy investment.
Perhaps he’s taken you out for a couple of dinners, you’ve been to the cinema and a day out somewhere special. If you’ve had these 3 or 4 dates and things are going well, then you can reach out and test the waters with a low risk offer of a date.
That means not asking him out for a fancy meal or anything that requires too much work on your part. You want to convey appreciation and interest to him, but it’s better to do so in small ways. The last thing you want to do is start taking over the dating process and make him lean back and get used to you spoiling him. (You can spoil him later down the line!).
But whatever you decide to do, it’s important to do it in a particular way. If you want to set yourself apart from the ‘normal’ women he dates, then you need to….
Call Him, Don’t Text Him
When you want to ask him out… pick up the phone and talk to him.
If you show him you’re the kind of woman who calls instead of texting, then you let him know two things:
1. You are BOLD enough to call him.
2. That it’s okay for him to call YOU.
We’re all so used to texting and, for most, it’s a default mode of communication. However, what we want is more phone time, because talking on the phone is a higher quality communication than texting. So, if you pick up the phone and lead by example, then you show him that calling is the acceptable and grown up thing to do, and it’ll encourage him to start doing likewise.
What’s more, he’s going to appreciate your ballsy move in calling to ask him out. If he’s earned his invite by putting effort in, then you can show a little willingness to arrange something for him.
Just remember, it should be something more casual and the offer should preferably include a specific time and place. E.g. ‘Hi Joey, I’m calling because I have two tickets for the jazz band playing at Rick’s Bar on Sunday afternoon and it would feel great if you could come along. What do you think?’.
This is a lovely offer because it’s like you already have the tickets and now you’re just asking if he wants to come along with you. It’s showing the willingness to ask him out, without going too over the top.
So, don’t be shy. It’s fine to make small gestures along the way. A masculine man will be delighted if you offer a thoughtful date, when you’re just getting to know each other.
Later down the road, when you’re in a committed relationship, you can start to spoil him a little bit more…maybe even buy him dinner from time to time!
But for now, pick up the phone and show him you’re confident enough to call him with your low pressure offer.
The right kind of man will love you for it.
To your happy-ever-after.
Linda B x
Linda Bebbington is a Love Coach & Psychotherapist, teaching high-vibe women how to attract love with proven psychology and a little bit of intuitive magic. She’s the author of ‘Get Your Ex Back’ and the creator of ‘The Secret Love Scripts’ and ‘A Date With Destiny’. You can contact her below for 1-1 coaching or book a ‘Message From the Universe’ Intuitive Love Reading with her colleague Sheena Reid.